MAGPIE'S MUMBLINGS

A blog about my interests, which include crazy quilting and various and assorted other artsy pursuits and sometimes known to contain mumblings of a random nature.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Fear

Bet that title got you interested! Actually, the topic this week on Studio Friday is 'Fear' as in what you are afraid of in life. Maybe the fact that Friday was the 13th had some bearing on why this was the topic. However, I thought I would give it a go (mainly because I have no pictures to show).

Ok..Fear...what am I afraid of (beyond the normal things of course, such as illness, lack of money, etc which is pretty much common to everyone I think). I would have to say my biggest fear is stepping outside the comfort box. You know the one that seems to keep us frozen in place and terrified to take the next step into the unknown? I find that with my artistic endeavours. I spend untold hours reading about all the latest techniques and ideas and then am totally overwhelmed with the prospect of trying any of them. Is it fear of the un-safe, or is it a fear of perfectionism? Will my work 'measure up' to the already published works?

Right now my current interest/passion is reading about the wonderful art journals I am seeing in books and on the net. I would absolutely LOVE to do one (or several), but when I sit down with a book in front of me, I am paralyzed and can think of nothing worth journalling about. I know one of the techniques suggested is to just begin. Yep. That's much easier said than done! I keep thinking that whatever I produce would be absolute junk and why on earth would anybody want to look at it (much less the time I would waste on the project in the first place). Tell me - is that perfectionism or is it fear?

Another passion I have is the many forms of embroidery and it's uses. On one hand I would really love to take one of the expensive courses offered out of England (can't remember the name offhand) but I realize I'm just plain scared of it. That, and the price is prohibitive!! Plus which, I would have to DESIGN (which also terrifies me). Me, design something of my own - not on your life! That's not to say I won't take several ideas from several sources and put them together into something, but that's not 'designing'. I'd love to take a course with someone like Judith Baker Montano or epbailey, but if it came right down to it, I wouldn't because I'd be too scared!

I have been asked to teach crazy quilting and actually have taught two classes. Won't do it again. Getting up in front of people (even those I know well) is my biggest fear. I still have nightmares about that horrible speech we had to do in public school. You know the one - you write and write and practice it at home, making sure it's at least three times as long as what it's supposed to be, and then get up to perform it, forget half of it, and talk so fast through the rest that you end up two minutes short on a 3 1/2 minute speech all while feeling a distinct urge to pee? Yep. That's the stuff nightmares are made of for me. Teaching is NOT in my future, for sure.

There, now I've bared my soul and it's your turn.....

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

My mouth waters at the thought of those courses in UK. In meantime, however, and less costly, have you ever visited the textile museum in Toronto www.textilemuseum.ca.

they have all sorts of weird and wonderful lectures, courses and galleries. Sometimes we need to see what other artists are doing to realize we too can make a statement. Take those negative thoughts out of your head and put them in a drawer and then padlock it. So there!

Boop said...

And you laughed at my "Aquaphena" & her thought bubbles. If truth be told, that was the 1st piece that I've ever made in my entire life where I thru caution to the wind. Of course it was also after some Valium & painkillers, but still.
I think it's more perfectionism & people pleasing than fear. (True: yes, fear of failure, but only because we're worrying about how others will see it.) You (being like me) are all too often concerned with what others will think. My biggest fear is having you there in the audience to hear one of my "talks". I worry so much about you feeling like I embarrass you & souding like a total dork.
Case in point: When you & Irene weren't at the Guild the other day I actually called the numbers out at the meeting & had a blast (did my impression of Bob Barker, lol). I felt safe 'cause those that mattered to me wouldn't be witness. Unfortunately, I thought Florence had already left, but she told I. at Tim's what a great actor I was; who knew?