This is me.
(for those of you who get offended easily, you'd best move right along)
I have reached the conclusion that bras HAVE to have been invented by a man. A diabolical, sadistic, and brain-dead man. No woman in her right mind would design such a thing.
To explain....your writer has rather large 'girls' so really should wear one of those instruments of torture. She also has 'Arthur' in her shoulder which means that the normal contortions required to do up a bra no longer apply. So...she has to do up the instrument and then attempt to wiggle into it by putting it over her head. That means much wiggling and floofing in an attempt to settle the girls in place. Meanwhile, at the backside of the enterprise things are rolled up (and cemented thereby) which requires yet more contortions to get unrolled. THEN....to compound matters (and here's the real design flaw)...the strap unsnaps itself from the back of the instrument and sproings away, striking your writer in the mouth, who by this time is uttering words not the least bit lady-like. There's no hope of reaching behind to reattach the sproingee - so - after much more wiggling and uttering sweet nothings, said instrument is removed. The sproinger is resnapped and she begins the entire enterprise again. Why, I ask you, does said instrument have the sproing-ee strappy thingie do-upper (very technical term, only found in a Funk and Wagnall's tome) at the BACK when it could just as easily be at the FRONT?
Now before you offer up interesting suggestions like maybe try a front-loading instrument or (horrors) a sports bra....those have all been tried and pronounced dead to me. Front loaders mean that there's a huge 'hole' in the middle of my front...handy for holding a salt shaker, but looks absolutely disgusting beneath clothes. Sports bras (see above for description of contortianisms, only multiply them ten-fold). Going instrument-less is always an option but tucking 'em into my pants is a whole 'nother element of pain.
Yep, had to have been a man....
- Have a peek through the galleries of THIS artist.
- HERE is a quilt design that would be nice to make and use as a fundraiser for breast cancer. I know the link there takes you to a paid pattern, but thought I'd share it anyway.
- There are some cute free designs HERE.
- I rather like THESE - something a little different for Easter.
Today's quote..."We seem to live in a world where the intelligent must keep quiet so that the stupid will not be offended"
Over your head?! I put it on backwards, fasten in front, then pull it around and up to the right spot. So much easier than trying to fasten it behind blindly!
ReplyDeleteBut I agree - they are an instrument of torture!
I've tried that way too and it doesn't work much better (at least for me anyway). Instrument of torture indeed!
DeleteSherryofcreateology: MA you have me laughing hysterically. We must be twins as I have the exact same “girls” and issues as you have so cleverly explained. As for the sports bras…I looked like “uniboob” ran over by a truck! As for the front hookers…Tried that and it came unhooked right at the grocery store as I was paying my bill! Good to laugh now!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm laughing hysterically at your front hooker description....oh my. Never had that happen when I had front doer-uppers but they always gapped and as I said - lots of room for the salt shaker.
DeleteOh my goodness MA: I am in the same boat, I have large girls very large have to find the perfect bra which is not easy.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you and others like myself find a better solution, the brassiere was invented by a man in the 16th century, I think he enjoyed the task.
Also the more modern bra was invented by two females.
Have an amazing week.
Thank-you for the interesting links.
Catherine
I went to a 'proper' store and got fitted and these are the only ones she could suggest. She told me sports bras and front hooks weren't for me (which I already had figured out on my own). Of course then I didn't have issues with my shoulder and it wasn't so difficult to do them up.
DeleteThere has to be a better way.
ReplyDeleteLOL. I enjoyed your post, Mary Anne. Not to be negative, but it made me feel a little better about my situation - which is, after a bilateral mastectomy two years ago, I feel like I'm wearing an ill fitting bra 24/7, whether I'm wearing one or not. When I focus in on it, it feels like a cruel joke, but oddly, most of the time, my mind is able to ignore the discomfort (until I notice it again). The worst is when I take off a bra with foobs (that I only wear in public because they provide a balance to my belly) and nothing at all changes. I've done physical therapy for it twice, do fascia massage (though there is no fascia there), and stretch every day - and nothing seems to help. I'm just glad I'm not in any real pain, as some mastectomy persons experience even years on. The good in my situation is that while I feel like I have a permanent bra on, I don't have to deal with the too-large breasts I had before surgery. I can remember the wrangling well.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed my post Becki and that it made you smile a little bit. Your situation is definitely different and I have to say that I'm glad you're not suffering the long-term degree of pain many people have after that surgery.
Deleteon my goodgawd - you have totally made my day!
ReplyDeletethank you so much - i needed to laugh out loud cuz things around here have been effing grim for two months...
So glad I made you smile!! Sometimes we just need something silly to lighten the mood.
DeleteThey are definitely instruments of torture. I can not go without one as like you the girls are pretty large. I am lucky that I don't have Arthur in my shoulders so I don't have to wriggle the device over my head.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Yes, be grateful you don't have Arthur in your shoulders because it sure makes some things difficult to do.
DeleteAnd why don't larger size bras have wider straps to take more weight???
ReplyDeleteExactly!!!!
DeleteLOL! My underwear is functional, not decorative for sure.
ReplyDeleteFunctional - to a degree. Alas no Victoria's Secret for me!
DeleteI hate bras. I squish mine into sports bras.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could!
DeleteYes, a man. I've often wondered why on the first day, Mother taught me to start backwards. I bring the hooks to front, connect, then slide around, and pull up. It's been my habit now for years, and a good thing, because, now with both frozen shoulders, I cannot possible reach behind me to hook, or bring down over my head. Pulling the straps up over my shoulder is still a struggle sometimes, because they still want to roll up. So maybe my Mother's way might help?
ReplyDeleteI actually tried that this morning and couldn't make it work...suspect it might be a case of practice making perfect? Will keep at it though and see if it works better.
DeleteI wish I had a solution for you, but all I have is laughter!🤣
ReplyDeleteHappy I could serve!
Delete