Sanity vs. insanity

Now for the rant/insanity part of this post.  I was racking my brain trying to think of something to post about today (being that what I'm stitching is not in the least bit inspiring) and came across a most interesting post Karen did HERE about the delights (?) of trying to find a perfect purse. 

........ I'll wait while you check out Karen's post.....

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Ok, you're back?

I don't know about you, but having to shop for a new purse is almost akin to having a bikini wax (not that I've ever had one of those, but I am pretty certain that it involves pain and therefore is to be avoided).  The criteria for a perfect purse (at least for me) ends up being a long list.

- a place for my keys on the outside of the bag where they can be easily reached and retrieved, especially when juggling several bags and parcels.  That place, in order to be perfect, must also keep control of those keys and not allow them to just fall out willy nilly every time the purse tips over.  

- a place for my cell phone, also on the outside of the bag, where the phone is held securely (see above re the willy nilly tip over problem) and yet accessible enough that said phone can be gotten to before the person calling hangs up.  

- it must have several compartments (but not so many so that I lose track of what might be kept in each one).  Too many and I get confused (some would say that's my normal state).  Compartments are necessary in order to avoid the proverbial drop-n-hunt (you know - you drop something in and it promptly dives down to the bottom of the bag necessitating a long-ish hunt for same, most generally whilst in a huge line-up and having to withstand the daggers being looked into your back by the waitees).  I'm pretty sure that once something gets into the bottom of such bags  it promptly develops the enviable ability to either a) become invisible or b)  develop legs so it can escape. 

- the lining colour must be such that it doesn't show dirt but also be light enough that you can actually SEE what's in there (see above). 

- having a bag that has built-in organizers for credit cards can be a good thing, but more often isn't.  Those lovely little slots are rarely the exact right size.  They're either just a tad too small and you have to muscle the cards in place (see above re the daggers in your back) or they're too big and it's inevitable that your purse will tip over and result in a cascade of cards all over the floor (again, see above).  

- And while I'm on the subject of card holders - why do they think we only have half a dozen cards, at most?  I don't know about you but I carry a whole lot more than that and I don't even HAVE a credit card!!

- A built-in coin holder - great idea in principle, but have you ever tried to dig down to the bottom of those dinky little things they insist on installing in bags in quest of that elusive dime that you know is in the bottom (oh yes? More daggers).  OR - if you can't dig that dime out and resort to dumping out the change and Mr. Murphy's Law being what it is and the change ends up scattered to the four winds? 

- a holder for a pen that actually will HOLD a standard sized  pen?  And better yet, said pen holder in a place where you can actually get at it?

- a strap that will actually stay on your shoulder and won't fall off just at the point where your hands are full of packages and suddenly the strap slides down and you're at risk of a dislocated shoulder?  Or tripping yourself (because the bag is suddenly dancing with your ankles?).  Oh yes, and there's the sideways sorta-hitch walk you develop because you're trying to keep said strap on your shoulder.  

- I need a bag that's small enough to carry all that I need, but not big enough to be forced to act as a repository for husbands excesses that simply won't fit in their pockets.  That's WHY they can get away without carrying bags - they have us to carry their stuff for them!

- oh yes, and it has to be certain colours so it can go with everything I own because if ever I find that perfect bag it's gonna be with me for life!!

Ok, rant is over.

Now it's YOUR turn -

what do you need in a perfect bag?