Very first blog entry. Ask me if I'm terrified. Ask me if I think I know what I'm doing. Ask me if I think anybody is ever going to read this.
Quite truthfully, I rather expect my foray into the blogging world is just another attempt on my part to avoid doing what I really have hopes of doing. Sounds odd, I know. However, out and out fear enters into me every time I consider becoming any sort of 'artist' as opposed to being a 'craftsperson'. Some would argue that they are one and the same. Tell that to my brain!
I am a collector. Of ideas, plans, wishful thinkings. I collect how-to's with tremendous zeal. I collect raw materials until they overwhelm me. Above all, I dream - of what I could do, if only I knew how to start.
Procrastination...is that part of it? Do I procrastinate because I'm afraid to fail? Or is my inner self telling me that I WILL fail and it is a waste of time to even begin.
Is it perfectionism? Maybe. Maybe I want my artistic endeavours to be so perfect in their execution that I feel overwhelmed before I even begin.
Downright fear is a large part of it too. Fear that I will fall on my face. Fear that I will be laughed at. Fear that I will be ridiculed for even daring to think that I might become any sort of artist.
Above all, is the self-talk. It is so easy to convince myself that I am not good enough; that I am wasting my time trying to create; and that I should give it all up and go and spend more time with my husband. Questions to ponder......